Congratulations, you now own a camera! After years of toiling with social media post, photos so skillfully and masterfully taken with your smart phone, you have taken the leap. All the signs were there, countless thumbs up and hearts peppered your photos from family and friends telling you, that yes you are one of the great ones. You have now taken that ONLY step to being a professional photographer, you have acquired a camera. Like any smart pro upon knowing the camera was coming you have also set up your first few gigs, who knows maybe a wedding or a senior portrait. It really doesn't matter you have a camera and you're a pro, you can do it all.
How to turn your camera on.
Ok it's time to set the world ablaze and start shooting. The first thing you need to do is test your new equipment. You will need to load battery, media card and turn on the camera. To do these steps look for the owners manual that is supplied with your camera. Ok now that you have found it, throw it away. Now get on your phone or tablet and go to X or Facebook and find that camera group you joined after choosing your camera model. Now post the question on how to do the previous mentioned steps. It was a very WISE Millennial who once said, "Why should I do the work of learning, books, classes, and owners manuals etc., when others have already done the work for me, I'll just ask them." It's true, why learn anything? Retaining knowledge is a waste of time now, simply ask the same questions over and over, as needed on social media. BOOM, you've asked and your done and yep your more pro than ever. Now once you have tried out the steps provided by the eager know it all group members, you are now ready to post a video showing others how to do them, you are the expert now.
How to take photos.
Follow the steps in the previous paragraph. I do wish to make one change though. Instead of throwing the owners manual out, burn it. Make sure to ignore any advice that suggest learning about exposure. If god wanted you to learn about exposure he wouldn't have created auto functions. Those people are haters and they will burn in hell along with your owners manual. Hopefully your camera is loaded with AI functions. These are absolutely necessary for you to know as little as possible which is what makes you great. Again why work yourself when the camera will do it for you. Just look at your camera and say Siri great photo. Now that you are taking fantastic photos, you are ready to show the world. Create your Instagram Reel with the audio template that says "I'm a photographer and I took these photos" and post. BAM, now your beyond pro, your unique, your a legend.
Uh Oh, this was bound to happen.
Now that you have had your camera for a day or 2, you realized that you have out grown the 24 to 70 kit lens it came with. It happens, real pros need more and more. You are feeling the pressure because your first gig is this Saturday and gosh you need more stuff. Instead of going on social media for guidance you will have to go more extreme, there's just no time. That's right your local camera shop. Granted you order your camera kit online from a different dealer, still they will be excited to know there's a new sheriff in town. It's time to make yourself known. Your gut is telling you that an extreme zoom lens should do the trick. The good news is, many camera shop employees will sell you anything since they work on commission regardless if it actually makes sense or not. In their eyes yes the bigger the better when comes to lenses. You show them your social media post upon arrival, and yes they were impressed, not because they want to make a sale, but you are just that damn good. ZIPPITY ZOINKS, you own a new 180-600mm lens and you are ready to shoot senior portraits, weddings, you name it. Now go old school and use your phone to take photos of your camera with its new lens and post away. One last note, you have gone on social media to ask if these strange pieces of plastic called lens hoods do anything, once again great advice tells you to just throw them out.
Yikes low battery now.
Well like all electronic gear batteries need the juice. First and foremost when your battery is low hand it to mommy, daddy or a spouse. You shouldn't take up your valuable pro time messing with charging hassles. Refer to your personal charger as Siri and say Siri charge, this keeps everything simple. Next acquire spare batteries. There is a rule of thumb to this, camera batteries are cheap if you're not the one buying them. So Siri is to purchase some extra batteries for you. They should know which ones to purchase since they do the charging. Again why bother your brain with remembering a battery model, you have more important things to concentrate on. It all just makes sense.
Post shoot editing made simple.
Your shots are perfect in the camera so fuck that. However if it is absolutely necessary make sure you do it on your phone or tablet with AI driven programs or one step filters. Instagram will provide you with fantastic filters when needed. Your greatness comes from the camera not some stupid idea of editing. Did Ansel Adams need to waste his time in a darkroom, I think not. Remember great photographers never ever print their photos. They just post them, that's why god made social media isn't it?
Final note on more gear.
The more gear you acquire the greater your pro status. It's how you get ranked in the world of photography. Just remember it's about the right gear. You can't have too many lenses or bodies or camera bags. If someone recommends lighting, report them on social media immediately. Good lord you are natural light photographer. Did Rembrandt need lighting? Only use a tripod if you think it will make you look cooler in any given shooting situation. So it is handy to have one. Batteries and memory cards should be in the 100's quantity wise. Again never purchase yourself. Remember photography is constantly changing. So to be good you must always own whatever the latest models are, in bodies and lenses. Equipment is what makes you a great photographer. Hell, Jack Kerouac would have been just a hack if it wasn't for his typewriter. Never doubt your new equipment it defines you. You were born ready so go and get em tiger.